Lambo's blog
by BashTashRox
Summary: Lambo has locked him self in his room and decides to write a blog. Its LamboReborn. ONESHOT. Sorry the summary sucks. XD


**AN. Well this is my First Hitman reborn Story so i hope you like it. i like this pairing alot so i decided to write a one shot. But i might write something longet than this.**

**So i hope you like it and review it, cos i'll never know how good my stories are if you dont comment about them. **

I sit at home thinking. You call me stupid cow all the time. You're always calling me an idiot, ignoring me, pretending that I don't exist. You expect me to cry because that's what I always do. But I can't I just sit there.

Reborn do you love me like I love you? I ask myself all the time. And every time I think about it I always reply to my self. Of cause not.

I've been through so much. I hardly leave my room anymore, except when I go to school. The tenth comes to my room often to see how I'm feeling. I've gone pale. I've gone silent. I don't talk hardly anymore. I think about you all the time.

I've decided that I want to write. I don't care if its real or not I want to write. I get out of my bed for once and to my desk where my laptop was placed and started to type.

_I can tell you what I see when I have my eyes closed, when I'm asleep and when their opened. But that's almost all I can see. I'm always thinking about it. I've been pressured so much and my life here has caused this to happen._

_I have my eyes close when I'm thinking, I like thinking when my eyes are closed it blocks out everything that is going on around me. When I'm thinking I think about people I love like you. But all I can see is blood all over me. Blood which is from my family, from myself, from my friends, from my peers, from everyone I know and ever met and especially from you. Why is your blood on me? Did I hurt you? I see it every night. I saw it 10 minutes ago, I see it when I'm with my friends not matter how little that time with them is, when I'm out partying. when I'm in class. Only can I see it on me. I can feel it drying becoming flaky on my skin drying from red to brown. I can taste it in my mouth. I feel their blood running through my veins. Running out of my eyes; leaking out of my mouth. I can feel their pain. I can feel their hatred. I can feel their loneliness. But they will never be able to feel mine. Isn't it sad?_

I stop typing for a second to reread what I have written. Heh, who knew I could be so deep. I thought to myself as I continued to write again.

_When I'm asleep and dreaming But all I can see is blood all over me. Blood which is from my family, from myself, from my friends, from my peers, from everyone I know and ever met and especially from you. Why is your blood on me? Did I hurt you? I see it every night. I saw it 10 minutes ago, I see it when I'm with my friends not matter how little that time with them is, when I'm out partying. when I'm in class. Only can I see it on me. I can feel it drying becoming flaky on my skin drying from red to brown. I can taste it in my mouth. I feel their blood running through my veins. Running out of my eyes; leaking out of my mouth. I can feel their pain. I can feel their hatred. I can feel their loneliness. Isn't it sad? I try and scrub it away. I try and scrub it as hard as I can, but it only gets worse. I start crying because the blood stains won't get off my hands, arms, face and clothing. I feel guilt within me as if it's my entire fault. Is it my fault? Did I do this to you, to them? Am I an evil thing? The tears from my eyes aren't normal. They're not watery, they're not clear. They're not thin. They're thick and crimson. I'm crying… blood. I try to stop. I try as hard as I can but it only gets harder and worse. I try and wake up. I try so hard. But I realise I can't. After I have turned white because I've been bleeding to much blood, I find it to hard to do anything. I get up. I walk to the shed and I grab some rope. I coil it and wrap it around my arm. I climb a ladder to get on top of the shed I almost slip. There's blood on the step. I tie one end of the rope down and the other around my neck. I stand there. I'm still crying blood. A then a gush of wind pushes me an in an instant I am over the edge. I am dead. I wake up breathing hard, and I am crying. I feel there is someone in my room in the corner in the dark watching me. I look there. I study it hard. I can hear it breathing. I try not to think._

_When I'm at school I can feel the present of the dead watching and waiting. Waiting for the moment were they can take me away. I can't tell my friends. I can't tell my teachers. I can't tell my peers. I can't tell my family. I know they won't believe me. I don't want to believe me myself. I try to show them. I've tried to make them see it in my eyes but they can't. I try and wish the dead away but every time I do they come closer. I feel one touch me. I flinch. I jump. I turn white in the face. My friends look at me as if I'm sick. They ask me what's wrong. I don't listen. I get up and walk away. I feel the dead following me. Watching my every move. Some whispering to each other. Some whispering in my ear saying. "They don't want you here. Your friends don't want you. Your family don't want you. No body wants you. The one you love doesn't want you. Isn't it sad? Your worthless. We want you. We want you to die." I lock my self in the male's bath room. I close my eyes. I see the blood. I feel the pain. I wait for the bell to ring. I go to class. I walk quietly, I walk gently, and I walk slowly. My friends are angry at me for walking away at them at lunch time. Your yelling at me calling me an idiot cow again. I'm sorry I really am but I cant do that so I try to explain but no one will listen to me._

_I sit on the bus reading. I'm read all alone, sitting by myself. Did you know that I am into literature, that I love to read all the time. Even though I am still apart of the mafia apart of the tenth's guardians, I've always contemplated being an author. Others have started to think that I'm a loner, that I don't want anything to do with anyone. But that's not true. You can't see the dead no one can. Except me. I can. I can see them. One of the souls ghosts what ever you want to call them whispers to me. "See they don't want you. They never wanted you. They leave you to sit by your self. Your friends don't want you. The boy you love doesn't want you. They think your disgusting. A thing a against nature." I try to ignore them. As I continue to read. I close my eyes. I fall asleep and once again there's the blood. There's the pain. I arrive at the bus stop. You hit me in the head so I can wake up to get off. I think for a second that you care for me, but when I go to thank you, you no where in sight. Why do you help me?_

I stop writing again. I felt the need to eat, it's the middle of the night and I assume everyone is asleep, so I quietly sneak out of my room, and tip toe to the kitchen. I grab a glass of milk and some cookies and I leave the kitchen, I wasn't looking where I was going when I suddenly find my self flat on my back, my arse hurt, I'm wet and I notice that my milk is spilt all over me.

"Way to go you idiot cow" You say. Reborn oh why do you have to be so mean to me. I love you, I try to stay out of your way, I try to keep you happy but all you do is yell at me.

"Stay… stay calm." I whisper to myself, as my lip starts to wobble. I quickly get up and dash to my room, locking the door behind me, my breathing erratic.

I go back to my computer and start to write again, continuing from where I left it earlier.

_When I'm at home I read for hours. I wait for hours. I wait for the calls from my friends but mainly I'm waiting for calls from you when your out with missions that the tenth had sent you on. I've always wanted you to call me that you love me that you were all right, even if you didn't really mean it. Once again I get a whisper in my ear. "Your friends don't want you, they don't call. The man you love definitely wont call you. They never wanted you. You mum doesn't want you. She's confined her self to her room. She doesn't want to look at you. __(A.N {_**its Lambo's author not mine**_} What mother, I don't live with my mother, but Tsuna's mother always felt like a mama to me, maybe its she I'm thinking about.)__ You disgrace her to much. Your sister doesn't want you, she only wants the TV and food (I-pin). You brother doesn't want you (Fuuta). He only wants the computer. He never wants you. He wishes you were dead. Your dad doesn't want you. He doesn't even want to talk to you anymore" I start crying. I sit there thinking. I try hard to keep my eyes open. _

_I fall asleep. This time things are different. There's no more blood. There's not more darkness. There are only clouds, bright happy colours and the dead. I realise I'm dead. I didn't want to go. I look down at earth. I look at my friends. My friends are at a grave yard. I look at my family. They are there as well. I look at my teachers and my peers they are there to. I realise it a funeral. I want desperately to know whose. But I realise its mine. My friends and my family are crying. Your not crying, why aren't you crying for me? I love you. I can hear their thoughts in my head. I can feel their pain and suffering. I can taste their hatred, are they angry with me because I'm dead or because I was alive. They are upset. They are wishing I was alive with them. Being silly. I get another whisper in my ear "you're dead. You're finally dead. We were waiting. We new you would be easy. We knew you would give up." The dead souls tell me "You tricked me. You said they didn't want me" I yelled to them. I cursed them so I was sent to hell. I will get my revenge._

_I wake up. I am crying. I'm not on the lounge were I fell asleep. I'm in my bed. It's the middle of the night, my family are sitting around me. My friends are sitting there to. But what suprises me the most is that your there, that your as white as snow, I can see faint tear marks on your cheeks. Are you sad for me? Did I do something wrong? Why are you crying? I look down and I see blood on my pillow. I want to know if they wanted me. But they are there. They are here with me. So I now know they want me, I know you want me. They don't want me to go. And I don't want to go myself. I am content with my self. So I sit there. I wait until morning. I wait till they all wake up. I cuddle each of them one by one. My best friend is crying. And I find out that I am as well. And I realised that I am loved. That I am wanted. I just needed to look deeper. They all leave but you stay. You stay there._

"_You really are a stupid cow, how could you do that to yourself, we all love you. How could you! I cant live with out you." You walk up to me and I cry into your shirt, my hands clinging to you desperately holding on for life, begging you to never let me go. I fall asleep with you petting my hair lovingly._

_I still sometimes see blood when I close my eyes and I sleep. I still feel the dead around me. Following me. Whispering in my ear. But I don't listen. I don't give in. I won't let them win. So I just ignore them. I'm pale all the time now. I hardly eat. But I'm alive. And I'm here. And that's how it's going to stay. For a very long time._

I stop typing, rereading what I have written, after I edit it I decide to put it up in my blog. I've had a blog for a long time, but I haven't posted anything recently. When I've decided I was content and my blog is posted I go to bed, snuggling deep inside my sheets.

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Reborn stared at the computer screen, he had just finished reading the cows latest blog, his heart beating erratically, a faint blush on his cheeks.

"You stupid cow, how can you not tell that I feel the same way to" Reborn says to himself out loud.

Reborn shuts his laptop, deciding to post a comment later. He always posted comments to all of Lambo's blogs, he always uses a secret user name as to keep his identity a secret, but he was happy, because whenever he posted a comment, Lambo always walked around the bass with a small smile gracing his lips.

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AN. So there you have it. I hope you liked it… I've always had the italic part written up but never posted. So I decided to create a one shot with it.

**Cya later everyone, cant wait to see your comments. **

**XoX Bash*_*Tash XoX**


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